Poppy is growing beautifully. We had an ultrasound on Tuesday, and the tech said everything looks "pefect". Baby is about 4 pounds, just a bit above average. He or she was staring right at us, gave us a good wave and looked like daddy :) Here's a belly comparison pic, just for fun. The scary part is that Poppy will double in size from now until due date!
Pregnancy is a roller coaster; at least, it has been for me. Hormones and emotions run rampid, physical changes bring joy, pain and, well, confusion. It's a lot to adjust to. I've enjoyed it to the fullest so far, but would be lying if I said it was a breeze. There have been days when I've thought, "Oh my goodness, how will I ever do this again?" But those days have have been grossly outnumbered by the days when I've felt energized, amazed and simply grateful for the miracle that is happening inside of me. Some would argue and say it is not a miralce, it is something that happens every day to millions of people. I have to disagree. The complexity of fetal development, the rate at which my baby is growing, the act of childbirth...it's all a beautiful miracle to me. Which brings me to Thanksgiving.
There is so much for us to be thankful for over the course of the past year. Our beautiful wedding day, the excitement of being newly married, creating life, experiencing pregnancy. And yet it has contained some of the most difficult moments of our lives. This is our first holiday without Andy's father, Randy. Our hearts are broken. I love my husband more than words can describe. How can we be so happy about the upcoming birth of our child, and yet so sad at the loss of a parent at the same time? There are no answers, no easy solutions when dealing with grief. All that I can do is love. Love my husband, love Randy, love our baby, love our families. And trust in God. Poppy now has an angel watching over him/her every moment of every day. I see and feel signs of Randy everywhere, and am comforted knowing he is with us. He loved Poppy so much already. Every time we talked to him or saw him the first thing he asked about was Roman. He had fondly nicknamed the baby Roman, and we loved it! Even before we got pregnant, he asked about the phantom baby every day. I am so glad he knew Poppy, even if only from the inside. And the thing that amazes and comforts me most is knowing that I am carrying a piece of Randy with me, all day every day. And when Poppy is born, he/she will know his/her Papa, because he is PART of her. It is so beautiful. And at the same time so sad that he will not be here in this physical world to experience the joy of watching Poppy grow. I pray that God will give me the strength to be the support my husband needs, and that our new baby will help us to heal. And we are so grateful for the constant love and support of our family and friends.
So this Thanksgiving I am grateful for miracle of life. Even with all of it's challenges, every moment is a precious gift from God.